Yesterday was a huge day for me. It started out like any other normal day. I woke up and went to my office to meet my assistant to do some office organizing. [I feel like the hubs would interject here: “None of that is normal! You rarely go to your office when you don’t have to, and you hate to clean.”] I can’t argue with either of those points, but will continue on nonetheless.
It started out as an average, normal day. After I took off from the office around 10:30 (see, I hate spending too much time at work), I headed home. But then I remembered that I needed a few things from Target. “Do I dare go by myself??” I asked myself? See, I got my new wheelchair a few weeks ago. It’s AMAZING! It’s so much lighter and easier to maneuver. And I can get it in and out of my car by myself. It’s not the most graceful thing to witness. In fact, the other day, I actually trapped myself in my car because a front wheel got stuck on my push peddle. I mean, it was really wedged in there! After about three minutes thinking “this is where they’re going to find my remains!” (do you know how hot a garage in a heatwave in the desert can be???) I was able to get it unstuck. Ok, I was in my garage, so worst case, I’d be stuck until the hubs got home. And I had my phone, so I could have called someone for help. And it really just took me a minute to calm myself to figure out how to unwedge the wheel. But, those few minutes were not fun. Oh, and I’m always getting random bumps and bruises from clunking myself with the frame or the wheels. But again, it’s only been a few weeks! I really thought it would be smooth and easy. I watched a Youtube video of a girl claiming it was her first attempt at moving it into her car and it was seamless. Either she is full of…it or I’m just not as skilled. Maybe a combination thereof?
But I digress. Target. Ah, sweet Target. My home away from home. My Utopia. My Nirvana. The place that is likely to bankrupt me. Target. I decided to try it out. So far, I’d only gone to places where I knew I’d be ok if there was a problem. My office (my assistant is there, or I know the building manager could come help). The court (I know a bunch of bailiffs who could come help me out. I wouldn’t ask a fellow attorney. They’d leave me to rot and then try to steal my clients). Physical therapy (5 O’Clock Shadow would first ask me which muscles I felt working and talk about core strength. But then he’d eventually help me out). Those were the only places I’d gone solo. So going to Target was a little intimidating.
I parked at sat in the car for a minute, knowing that I could do this. Plus, I like to sit in the car for a few minutes to see if any people scowl at me disapprovingly. Then when I get my wheelchair out, they feel bad. Driving a car is the great equalizer. People can’t tell that my legs don’t work. Is that game mean? Probably. But, it’s the little things in life to get you through! I got my wheelchair out, no problem. Flew through the parking lot. I realize that sometimes I go so fast that people have to hurry to keep up. Having no one around means I can really open it up! In the store, I balanced a basket on my lap and cruised around the store. This was the first time in over a year that I had been in a public place (other than court- which the first time was Monday this week- or the pool for PT) completely by myself! It was amazing! It was liberating! It was a weird feeling. I guess I’d gotten so used to having people around that it was almost bizarre to be alone. But a great bizarre. The kind of bizarre that lets me believe that things are getting back to normal. Perhaps a new normal. I’m not giving up on walking again. I truly think it will happen. But, if it doesn’t, then I now truly believe that I will be OK. I can get back to doing things I used to do, just in a new and slightly modified way.
If I can shop at Target on my own [Hubs would here interject: “UGH!!!”], there isn’t anything I can’t do anymore!