I love my new gym. Seriously. It’s just a really comfortable place with good energy. (No, I’m not getting all new-agey. I just mean people there are super friendly and they usually play good music.) I like everything except for my new personal trainer: GunShow*. (Please see below for *.) I hate him. I’ve never hated anyone so much in my life. I thought Drill Sergeant and 5-0 were rough on me. But they were physical therapists and were more inclined to not push me too hard. (Drill Sergeant was a little more aggressive than 5-0. But I still had some tricks that worked for leniency.) I think personal trainers are just built differently. Literally and figuratively. Pain is gain. Sweat is fat crying. And other such motivational sayings.
What makes GunShow even worse is that he was in the Army and had to rehab after an injury. There is literally no pity in him for me. He pushes me to my limit and then adds 5 more pounds. He is quick to tell me when I have “4 more” but neglects to tell me when I’ve stopped counting and did 2 more than he instructed. Jerk!
The hubs was his teacher in high school so on some level I think it’s payback for long held grudges. I asked him and he denied that, though I swear I saw him rubbing his hands together like some evil genius.
The worst part is that there is no distracting him. With my physical therapists, I could always get them distracted. I had one who I could get to massage me for the entire session. I would just tell her that my legs and shoulders were tight from sitting and pushing all day. The next thing, I’m snoozing on the table. The hubs would get so mad that I would get away with that and tell me I had to stop that. What I heard was “Do that every time? Challenge accepted.” And 5-0 loved to talk about the physiological aspects of everything I did. He’s roll over the skeleton and show me how everything worked. That took up half the session. But, with GunShow, I can’t distract him for anything. I do try too! His response “You think I can’t multi-task? Keep going.” I think I threatened to punch him like 3 times today because of how hard I had to work and how sore I was from Monday. That’s what happens when I work for the straight 60 minutes and become sore and tired. Maybe once I give him nice throat punch he will let me have more breaks. But, somehow I think that would lead to more reps or some new torturous activity.
I hate this guy so much that I spent the last hour looking up personal trainer memes to bombard him with. That’s the first passive aggressive step before throat punch. You have to work your way up the aggression ladder. Here is the first one from my new arsenal of memes:
Ok, and for those of you reading this, replace hate with love. It’s only been one week and 2 sessions with him (though the soreness in my muscles would indicate differently) but I think he’s actually an amazing trainer. And I’m always up for a challenge and looking for opportunities to fight when someone doesn’t give in to me and let me have my way. My physical therapists (specifically 5-0 and Drill Sergeant) were so amazing and I loved working with them. But, it wasn’t enough to make me stick with it. I can already tell that this is going to be a much, much different experience. And I’m not just saying that based on today’s conversations about metal music and festivals. The fact that I enjoy talking to him is just icing on the “get me in shape” cake. [And yes, I am aware that I probably shouldn’t be using sugary cake metaphors when talking about getting in shape and my personal trainer. Give me a break- it’s only been 1 week at the gym.]
*GunShow was his choice of name for this blog. He’s a goofball but since he wouldn’t stop increasing the weight on the machine I was using, I gave in. I was hoping he would reward my generosity by going easy on me for the rest of the session. He did not. So for now I will acquiesce, but I do reserve the right to rename him “Jerky J” at any point in time if he becomes too hard on me.