Today was a body part at the gym day. (I honestly don’t know what part of the body we worked out today because somehow GunShow managed to make them all sore. Maybe shoulder day? Maybe bicep day? Pretty sure it wasn’t leg day, though he did still manage to get them involved and they are now steadily twitching as I sit here typing in agony.) He was a bit under the weather with a sinus infection and he decided to take his unhappiness out on me. Ok, I don’t know that last part to be completely true, but it is a very likely scenario. I told him to take the time off to rest. He told me I wouldn’t work out if he weren’t there. I told him I would. He apparently knows me too well. I would have gone to the gym. And I probably would have half-assed it in a virtual class. I love the virtual classes. But, I also admit that I don’t push myself in nearly the same way he does. Hence my need for his services!
But, the conversation also got me to thinking. I sometimes do weights when I’m not training at the gym with him. Again, it’s not the same way.
I don’t do some weights because I would need help (i.e. a seated lat pulldown [I’m sure the “seated” ). I need help pulling the bar down to even do the exercise. Sometimes I lose my balance. I’ve never fallen. Or even come close to falling. But it’s still a really scary feeling when you have no control. And that’s why I like having him there. I know GunShow won’t let me fall or hurt myself. I trust him.
I know that I’m a different kind of client. I need more attention because things that aren’t an issue for other people are possibly problematic for me. Like sitting on a weight bench. A normal client can just sit down. I have to transfer off of my wheelchair onto a narrow bench. I have to know that I’m not going to fall off equipment. Or that I’ll be able to get back up if I get on the ground. These are considerations that I think about nonstop when I’m at the gym. And that’s why it has to take trust. My trust in him has grown as our relationship has developed while I’ve trained with him. I’m willing to try different things that push me way [read: WAY WAY WAY] past my comfort zone because of that. If I don’t trust my trainer (physical therapist, doctor, whatever) I’m not going to push myself or let them push me. I’ll play it safe. It’s once we’ve established that level of trust that I’m willing to go out on the ledge (so to speak). And I don’t trust everyone. Or many people, for that matter. And if I don’t have the trust connection with someone, I will completely shut down. That’s why I left a couple physical therapists prior to joining this gym. No trust = not pushing myself = wasting my time and theirs. But you have to understand how scary it is doing things when you can’t feel that you’re supported on the ground by legs that are meant to stabilize you and having a core that isn’t quite up to snuff. It’s intimidating and daunting. Even though past therapists would tell me to trust that my legs are there and still supporting me, it’s nearly impossible to trust that when you can’t feel them. So when I can’t trust my own body, I have to trust the person who is working with me. I have to trust my trainer. I have to trust GS.
Another example: today we did timed bicep curls and I set the weights on my legs for very short breaks. I had the weights resting on my hands because it’s scary putting weights on my legs and not knowing if they’re hurting my legs or not. GS didn’t want me to cut off circulation to my hands by holding the weights. I told him my fear of accidentally hurting my legs and not knowing and I could see him thinking about that. I don’t think that’s something he had thought of before. And I could literally see the wheels in his brain turning. And then he said “Do you think I would let you do something to hurt yourself.” It wasn’t accusatory like how dare I not trust him. And it wasn’t feeling sorry for himself like he was sad that I didn’t trust him. It wasn’t even really a question. It was a statement of strength. I know he wouldn’t let me really hurt myself. He knows that I know that. And I moved my hands and let the weights rest on my leg. And I did not get hurt.
Well, My legs didn’t get hurt. My biceps are completely on fire. But I suppose that was intentional.