Today I almost became a paraple-pancake in the Target shopping center near my house. (I hope that you’re picturing Wile E. Coyote after the large boulder meant for the road runner lands on him and he walks away like a smooshed pancake on legs. Cause that’s what could have happened!!) Let me set the scene. I had gone into Target to get some things, like a toy to donate to a 6 year old boy through my church. (And some ugly Christmas sweaters and nail polish, but the toy makes me sound way more angelic which makes almost getting run over even sadder! People would probably care more about the Pope being hit by a car than Kim K.) The way the Target parking lot is set up there is a row closest to the entrance that has about 10 disabled spaces. And there’s a slight decline away from the store.
So there I was, rolling toward my car with one hand on my wheel and one hand holding the basket with all my newly purchased wares. I passed a couple parked cars. Then all of a sudden, this dbag in an SUV throws his car into reverse and hits the gas without even looking. I was seriously INCHES from his bumper. I always watch for reverse lights because I never trust that people will see me. There was seriously no pause between light coming in and car backing out at a very fast speed! I immediately yank on the wheel, but since I only had 1 hand on my wheel, it throws my chair into a gnarly 360 spin. My other hand is clutching the basket which is about to go spilling. The spin I do in my chair causes me to go out of control and nearly hit the car next to the dbag in the SUV. He looks at me like “Whoops, sorry” and points to the car I almost splattered against to see if that’s where I am going. He’s lucky that my hands were on my wheels and basket or else I would have been pointing with a very specific finger! So he stops and I keep going behind him to my car, which was parked on the other side of him. His girlfriend is staring at me with this look of complete amusement on her face. I nearly LOST IT! I’m hoping they were lip readers, because while my hands were occupied, my mouth was spewing some very colorful and choice words which I will not repeat, lest I lose my “PG” rating on this blog. I called the hubs, but he was working and couldn’t answer. So then I called my mom, because after you’re nearly smooshed into the pavement, you have to call someone! And, do you know how hard it is to edit the colorful language out of a story when half of it involves directing said language toward a person? Just like on this blog, I try to not cuss around my parents. But, I think I used the word dbag like 50 times in the retelling of the story to her. I said I tried to clean up the language, not that I was able.
The burn of it is that this JERK was parked in a disabled space too. So either he’s the most selfish dbag on the planet who can’t watch out for anyone else. Or, he’s not really supposed to be parking there. I find that most handicapped people tend to be a little more cautious because we know how scary it can be to not be seen as easily by people. At least, I know that’s how I drive. When I back out of a space, I turn my head in true Exorcist fashion 25 times to make sure no one is behind me. And I watch my mirrors and back up camera. It might seem extreme, but I never want to be like the dbag in the SUV today.
The moral of the story ladies and gents: please, please, please be cautious in parking lots. Not just in the handicapped area, but everywhere. There’s always a chance that you may miss seeing a kid or a wheelchair. And if it weren’t for my cat like reflexes and the a couple guardian angels, I could be all kinds of hurt right now! (But, my wheelchair would be OK, cause it’s titanium and that beyotch is indestructible!)